The Visionbuilders Institute

TGIM 8-30-10

Are you a member of the “It’s September so I’m starting my self-improvement program – AGAIN!” club? Seasonal changes inspire life changes, but before you know it, there you are again, a card-carrying member of the club.

I’m a member too – every September I vow to lose the same 15 pounds, meditate more, criticize less, give more, and be a better person in a hundred ways.  I’m as inspired as you and maybe as frustrated as you by October.  But this year both of us can permanently resign from the “It’s September so I’m starting my self-improvement program – AGAIN!” club.

SELF-MASTERY– taking charge of what’s going on in your head – is the key.  When I teach Self-mastery, one skill stops students in their tracks. “Whoa – I never thought about that”, they say.  Yet it’s the skill you need most in the September of any goal.

The skill of Self-love instead of Self-management makes the difference between success and failure.  Everybody knows change requires discipline. It’s how you think about discipline that matters.  Have you ever made yourself go to the gym, or made yourself control your temper in traffic? You felt bad, because forced behavior has a punitive essence, like penance for being a bad person. If self-mastery is punishment, why would any sane person want to do it? Discipline that comes from self-criticism and harsh judgment is unhealthy and a formula for failure.

Real self-mastery is a gentle kind of discipline that comes from self-love.  When you value yourself your self-discipline is kind, compassionate and about inspiration instead of punishment. Then going to the gym or controlling your temper in traffic feels good instead of bad.  Humans are wired to seek happiness. When both the process and the result make you feel good, you’ll be inspired to continue.  And inspiration always wins over negatively forced behavior.

Think of self-mastery as a way to take your talents farther, express more of your genius and live a joyful life creating and contributing.  Think of self-mastery as an inside-out process of expressing your greatness, not an outside-in punitive management of your behavior.  Let’s become members of a better club – the “I Joyfully Express My Greatness Club”. That feels better, doesn’t it?  TGIM: Thank God it’s Monday!  Welcome to the club…

love,
margaret

p.s. I post hot tips for visionbuilding on Facebook and twitter. See below for how to find me.

Margaret Shepherd © 2010

www.visionbuildersinstitute.com

fax 510-588-4019, cell:213-820-6602 toll-free: 866-820-6604
SKYPE: 307-463-4495

Facebook: margaret j shepherd

TWITTER: REVSHEP

TGIMs on the web URL: TGIM archives

TGIM 8-23-10

Last week’s TGIM alerted you to the victim thought pattern and offered the visionbuilders’ thought pattern as an alternative, a mindset for happiness and success.  Guess what happened?  Some of you responded with victim thought patterns! You explained in elaborate detail the many ways you are victimized at work.  You told me your job is stressful beyond words, you are surrounded by incompetents, a boss who doesn’t appreciate you, customers who are unreasonable, coworkers who insult you, and company politics that make you cynical. And you aren’t paid what you are worth. You described the victim thought pattern perfectly.

Here is the principle about mindset and the thought patterns it creates that can change your world…your mindset determines your circumstances, not the reverse.

You shift your circumstances by shifting your attention.  You will experience what you look for, so look for what you want to see.  Tell yourself a different, better story and your mindset – and your life – will improve.  Look for the meaning in your work, the competence in those around you, the appreciation in your boss, satisfaction in your customers, and the harmony in your day. As you give attention to what you are looking for, you nourish it with your energy, and soon you will be seeing a different world.

Think about this too– it is your opinions, your judgments, and your criticisms that cause your worklife pain.   I can almost hear some of you saying, “Yes, but, you don’t know what morons I have to work with!” Let it go. Acceptanceis the path to freedom.  There is enormous power in simple acceptance of what is.  Acceptance frees up energy, heals relationships, helps you focus, inspires creativity, and opens your heart and mind to different ways of seeing your world.

Here is your challenge this week – two exercises.  1. Look for what you want to see and see what you see!  2. Go on a “no opinion diet” for seven days, and notice what happens.  Oh, and be sure to include “no opinions” of yourself too – that’s a hard one for most of us!

TGIM: Thank God It’s Monday! Enjoy…

love,
margaret

p.s. I post hot tips for Visionbuilders on Facebook and twitter. See below for how to find me.

Margaret Shepherd © 2010

www.visionbuildersinstitute.com

fax 510-588-4019, cell:213-820-6602 toll-free: 866-820-6604  SKYPE: 307-463-4495

Facebook: margaret j shepherd

TWITTER: REVSHEP

TGIMs on the web URL: TGIM archives

TGIM 9-6-10

Visionbuilders coaching sessions sometimes go like this.  Clients tell me their problems and what they’re doing to fix them and how their efforts are failing and how miserable they are and how much they want to get free, sometimes serving up a side order of who’s to blame. They expect we’ll delve deep into those problems, understand them better and then figure out solutions, maybe even have some extra fun and punish the guilty parties.  Nope.  What they get from me instead is this message. “Everything you give attention to thrives, and everything dies from lack of attention –the experiences you want and the experiences you don’t want.  So stop fixing problems and instead start creating the experiences you want.”

Let’s say you have a bad situation at work, maybe your boss always says no to your suggestions, no matter how excellent you know they are. If you try to fix that problem, here’s what happens. You continue to affirm that you are living in a problem; you are holding in your mind the thought “I have a problem.” You own it. You have fed and nourished it and it will thrive. What does that get you?  You continue living in the problem, because you have given it your continued attention.

If instead you re-define your “problem” as a temporary current perception, a changeable belief instead of a permanent truth —“I currently believe my boss always says no to every suggestion I make”, that changes everything.  By thinking of it this way, now you are free to continue to feed it or to starve it. You starve your former “problem” by giving it no attention.  Now you can focus attention on a positive belief, “My boss listens to my suggestions, and together we make great progress.” Now you have a positive direction to move in. Now you are creating a new experience, not fixing a problem. Now you are free.

It isn’t always easy to wean Visionbuilders away from focusing on their problems, as a culture we’re addicted to having problems.  Once a Visionbuilder learns the power of focusing on creating what they want instead of struggling to fix what’s wrong, they develop a healthy addiction to that way of life. I invite you to join us this week in that way of life. Re-define your “problems” as a temporary current perception, starve them of your attention and instead start creating the experiences you want. TGIM: Thank God It’s Monday! Stay strong.

love,
margaret

p.s. I post hot tips for Visionbuilders on Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook: margaret j shepherd

TWITTER: REVSHEP

TGIMs on the web URL: TGIM archives

www.visionbuildersinstitute.com
fax 510-588-4019, cell:213-820-6602 toll-free: 866-820-6604
SKYPE: 307-463-4495

Invite me to teach Visionbuilding Skills nationwide. Call me at 866-820-6604.

Margaret Shepherd © 2010

TGIM 8-16-10

Believing it was the only way out of his personal emergency, Steven Slater slid down the plane’s emergency chute and into the media’s arms. One final obnoxious passenger was the tipping point in the flight attendant’s longsuffering career. He snapped. Slater grabbed a beer and the cabin microphone, verbally unloaded his pent-up pain, deployed the emergency chute and slid into freedom. True story, except for thefreedom part.

Since the story broke, mental health professionals, media pundits, your coworkers, family, friends and your hamster all have weighed in on Steven Slater’s meltdown. He’s our secret hero because he stood up for himself, wouldn’t take any more, and pushed back against that which frustrated him. We understand. We’ve been there and wished for the courage to unleash our own version of what he did.

And therein lies the reason Steven Slater did not slide into freedom that day, and the reason Visionbuilders can learn from his story.   

Steven Slater was a victim not of obnoxious passengers, but of Common Thought Patterns – common agreements about life and personal power that lead to predictable thought sequences. Steven Slater’s behavior makes his thought pattern clear. The VICTIM THOUGHT PATTERN goes like this: Common Thought 1 - People are obnoxious idiots, enemies of my peace of mind, making my life hard. I AM A VICTIM. Common Thought 2- I am suffering and I want it to stop. Common Thought 3-I must either make THEM stop/change or remove myself.

If you’ve ever tried to stop or change someone else’s behavior you know it’s folly. And removing yourself is equal folly because while you can relocate physically, emotions die hard. Process just about any life experience using the Victim pattern and you create continued suffering. You will never be free.   

This week I invite you to try the VISIONBUILDERS’ THOUGHT PATTERN. We believe it leads to personal empowerment, peace of mind and real freedom. Visionbuilders’ Thought 1- People are innocent, victims of their own beliefs, and deserve my compassion and care. I create my own better experiences by choosing better thoughts. I AM A POWERFUL CREATOR. Visionbuilders’ Thought 2- I accept this experience in peace.  Visionbuilders’ Thought 3- I chose a better experience my choosing better thoughts right now.

TGIM: Thank God It’s Monday! Let’s go

TGIM 8-9-10

I spotted my host by the baggage area, holding a sign with my name.  Winding through the city to the hotel, we chatted about tomorrow’s Visionbuilders seminar.  Did I think name tags were a good idea? Heck yes – what was your name again?  There was an office supply store at the next exit, so Mel re-routed.  He dropped me at the store entrance and went to park. Waiting, he opened a map and spread it on the dashboard, verifying the hotel’s cross streets.

Before long a police officer screeched his cruiser to a stop, got out, strode over and banged on the car window.  Startled, Mel thought, “What does he want with me? I’m legally parked; inspection sticker’s up to date, no dead bodies hanging out of the trunk.”  The officer glared down at him.  “You’re in my spot. You’re in my spot; move your vehicle.”  Huh? The parking lot was huge, with no assigned spaces except for the usual handicapped ones, AND it was nearly empty.  “I don’t understand”, said Mel, “I don’t see any signs for police parking.”  “Look”, said the officer, “I ALWAYS park in this spot when I shop here, and you’re in it. This is MY spot.” he growled.  Stunned but knowing a losing battle when he saw one, Mel put his car in gear and moved to a far corner of the lot.

A few minutes later there was another rap on the window. Now what! But it wasn’t the cop again but an older woman shopper.  She was small and frail, carrying an armload of bags and had walked a distance from the stores to Mel’s car, clearly going out of her way.  He powered the window down and looked into her face.  She smiled, “I see you’re reading a map. I live here; perhaps I can help you.”

Wait a minute! Aren’t the police supposed to be the helpful and courteous ones- at least when we’re not committing crimes?  And aren’t frail elderly shoppers hauling heavy bags more likely – even entitled- to be cranky and unhelpful?

Now, we are sure that the police officer was having an especially hard day and acting out of character, right? But still. He was out-classed by an old lady extending herself to be kind. I saw a good lesson in this little role reversal drama.

It’s easy to react to circumstances unconsciously. We forget that we CHOOSE how we act, and that it’s worth paying attention and choosing consciously. Why?  Because not only do others have to live with your choice, YOU have to live with your choice.  Your reactions, conscious or not, kindness or belligerence or whatever, affect YOUR state of mind. Reacting to Mel in his car reading a map, the police officer was miserable and the elderly woman was joyful. Their choices affected them as well as Mel.

I want you to be joyful every moment, because joy is the very best state for creating your dreams.  Joy frees your creativity and opens your mind to insights. Joy melts negativity and softens cynical hearts. Because I believe we are hardwired to choose joy when we choose consciously, I teach Visionbuilders this question, “Whom do I choose to be in this moment?”

Even if someone’s in your favorite parking spot, even if you’re having the day from hell, even if you’re old and frail and burdened, you still get to choose your state of mind and your behavior.  “Whom do I choose to be in this moment?”

This is a perfect week to make extra conscious choices.  TGIM: Thank God It’s Monday! Another week to build your vision. Stay strong.

love,
margaret

p.s. I post hot tips for visionbuilders on Facebook and twitter. See below to find me.

Margaret Shepherd © 2010

www.visionbuildersinstitute.com

fax 510-588-4019, cell:213-820-6602 toll-free: 866-820-6604
SKYPE: 307-463-4495

Facebook: margaret j shepherd

TWITTER: REVSHEP